• Amy L. Boyd

How to Simplify Your Life After An Unwanted Divorce


Linking up with Five Minute Friday today! Five minutes of uninterrupted writing...no editing. No overthinking. Just write! Today's word is: SIMPLIFY

The time may come when you find yourself in absolute denial. Something has happened that you never expected. Something that causes you to fall asleep soaked in tears on your closet floor. Something that causes you to overanalyze every moment of your failed marriage. Something that requires you to throw out all the rules you thought you lived your life by.

The emotional baggage and clutter and intense grief grip your chest making it imperative that you figure out how to streamline this overfilled life that you were once so proud of. You have to simplify things just to get through each day.

But how??

1. Take care of yourself- As much as you want to stop all self-care and wallow in what seems hopeless- get up!!

  • Buy groceries. Cook food. Eat it. Repeat. Drink water. Repeat. Take a walk. Exercise. Repeat. Listen to music. Repeat.

  • Go to bed early. Repeat- go to bed early. Like 8:00. No joke- it will save your life.

  • Read Psalms. Read them every single day and soak your mind in David's emotional battles as well as his devotion to a God he fully trusted.

  • Go out with friends for dinner. For walks. For fun. Make sure these friends are safe and don't allow you to constantly complain and get stuck in a revolving door of despair and denial and blame. Meet new friends through ministries like DivorceCare.

  • Get a pet if you can. A dog, a fish, a crab. Something to take care of. Someone who needs you. Maybe you have children and you don't need a pet- but I was alone and depended on my dog Molly to depend on me.

2. Start fresh- New doesn't necessarily mean bad or that you're turning your back on who you are or what your marriage meant to you.

  • Move out of the space you shared with your spouse, if possible. Trust me- you'll stop seeing the ghost of him around every corner. Enough said. Also get rid of any stuff he left behind for you to deal with. Pitch it.

  • Take down the photos of your life together. Put them away someplace where you cannot constantly access them. Even if you feel like pitching them in the moment, I would take some time to make that decision in a future moment.

  • Block people on social media. Block him. His family. His friends. Anyone who constantly reminds you of him. It's a good idea. Don't torture yourself with the details of what he's doing in his new and perfect life without you. Just block him and don't look back.

3. Stop caring what other people think- You cannot control this.

  • They weren't inside of your marriage. They don't know what happened. Maybe you don't even know what happened.

  • God is ultimately the only one who can judge you, your motives, your heart, and your actions.

  • Devote your precious remaining headspace to figuring out who God is and who you are in him. He is good and you are loved.

  • When people ask you what they can do to help you- be honest! Make them invite you over for dinner or out to eat. Make them come over and hang out with you in your too quiet house. Don't be afraid to take advantage of people who truly want to help you. It's not weak- it's allowing the body of Christ to minister to you in a time of desperate need.

Simplicity happens when you stop trying to control everything and realize that you aren't in control- you never have been- and you never will be. Trust the one who calls for the most straight-forward life goals- love God and love others.

After a divorce we strive for simplicity because it's really all we can handle. AND THAT'S OKAY GIRL. You've got this. God has you.

Need more guidance as you persevere through a divorce or help a loved one?

5 Things You Should Know About My Divorce

How to Respond to Lysa Terkeurst's Divorce

Three Ways to Survive When Your Future is Erased


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