When this summer began I had no idea that I would become a blogger...a serious writer. (Well, aspiring writer!) Someone in pursuit of a new goal. It sort of snuck up on me like old age, or the imminence of a looming school year.
Kind of how God leads you so gently that you suddenly realize you're in a new space. Somehow you've made the transition from one season of life to another without even saying good-bye to that last part. Sniff. Sniff.
For five years I have been learning to breathe. There was a moment where my life changed irrevocably. I had no control over that moment, just as I have no control over this one. When God moves you on, He does it in a way that you can suddenly accept it. What has been done will never be okay. It will never really be over. Grief continues in some form indefinitely, but God revives your broken heart in such a surprising manner that you suddenly realize you're finally breathing a little bit easier. That phase is over. That tough season in the wilderness that seemed to never end has- at least partially- come to a close. Whew.
Pieces that I could never see or understand have finally woven together and God has brought me here. Blog. Manuscript. Writing Conference. It's happening. A potential purpose for all of this hardship. As I imagine those many large jars that God has collected my tears in, I know my pain meant something to Him. Every single solitary tear collected and seen. Known by God my Creator.
Suddenly a new segment begins. One in which God requires transparency. Truth. Communication of sensitive information. My life. My memoir. More discussion about our confident identity in Christ.
A wise pastor once told me that I was an ambassador of God's truth. In 1 Corinthians 5:16-21 (ESV) Paul reveals a critical piece of our identity in Christ:
17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 18 All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. 20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
Now this is something that my finite mind cannot reconcile! How a holy God created a scenario in which I- a sinner- can actually BECOME the righteousness of God?? Inconceivable! Because Christ has taken on our trespasses and changed us into a new creation in Him we have become AMBASSADORS of God's message in our lives. What I have to say probably isn't what you have to say. What God has worked in my life might be different than what He has worked in your life. But the fact remains- we must identify as ambassadors. Representatives. Truth tellers. Bearers of praise to our Lord. It's not really optional. It's who you are.
In this season of life I must live out this identity more than ever before. I'm heading to Portland this week. I'm going there to learn all about the world of Christian publishing. And oh yeah...I'm going to pitch a manuscript that I wrote about God's workings in my life over these last five years. It's a pretty big deal guys. Not the manuscript- but the way God uses us. The way He gives us opportunities to become more of who we really are in Him.
If God had told me five years ago that this day would come- embracing my ambassador-ness- I would've fallen apart. Lost it. No way- nope. But today- while I'm scared out of my mind- I know God will sneak up on me again in His kind and gentle way and guide me through this. I might never have the identity 'published author'. But I know my identity is secure as an ambassador for Christ. As a proclaimer of his faithfulness to me. So many identities that I hope to share through this blog.
I covet your prayers this week! God has gone before me and knows what each of my days will bring. No fear. Only a loving God who draws us near in the best sneak-attack ever.
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Revive Me Again
When circumstances bring us down, only God can revive our hearts.